Don’t Let the Darkness Fool You

Without darkness there is no light. That seems like such a simple thought, sentence, concept; but sometimes I find myself being fooled by the darkness. The title for this blog came to me while I was catching up on one of my favourite shows. It was actually a lyric from a song being sung on that show! I was struggling with multiple ideas for this next blog but then I heard a song, and in that song was this line, “Don’t let the darkness fool you.” and I thought, huh, that is exactly what I am feeling right now. The darkness was trying to creep back in and I was really trying hard to not allow that to happen!!

It has been dark again. Stormy, rainy, wet, and dark! I can struggle with that on a good day, never mind if I allow that darkness to start to seep in. But yesterday, I had a migraine and those can be debilitating. Luckily I caught it in time to keep it from being debilitating, but my head felt like it was going to split open all day. I did everything I always do, you know, take my meds, do a sinus rinse, get some rest in a dark, quiet room, put peppermint oil on my head and inhale some, and so on. Sometimes, it takes one of the tools in my tool box and other times, it doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I just can’t shake it and yesterday was one of those days. Ugh!!!

In those times, those dark times when it seems like nothing I do works, that’s when Henry can start his chatter. If you haven’t read my previous blogs, Henry is what I named the hamster that runs on a wheel in my head. When I am not feeling well or when I am feeling overwhelmed or stuck, that is when he comes out to antagonize and try to make mountains out of mole hills! And that can sometimes be really easy when I am not feeling well or if I am tired or hungry! The acronym HALT is something I learned and it stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Those, quite frankly, can all be my kryptonite, even though I don’t get angry that often anymore, the rest of those can totally take me down, especially being tired.

I have learned through my journey that I tend to learn when I am in pain. Not necessarily physical pain, although I can learn lessons there too, but spiritual and emotional pain. Spiritual and emotional anguish or pain can sometimes come together for me. That’s because when I am in emotional pain, depending on what that pain is from, I can let fear in, and when I let fear in, it is hard to stay out of the darkness. Fear can lead me to so many dark thoughts which then leads me to forgetting faith, my faith. I have worked really hard to restore my faith, and continue to do so, but emotional pain can really lead me to forget that faith and how hard I worked to restore mine.

What I have also learned is that when I can see that little, tiny crack of light, when the darkness is trying to creep in, that is when I learn. That little, tiny crack of light reminds me to look for the wins. And like I have said before, those wins can be as small as getting out of bed. If I can start to see the small wins, I start to come out of fear, and when I start to come out of fear, I start being grateful, and when I start being grateful, I start to feel better and when I start to feel better, I start to look for what lesson I am supposed to be learning at that moment. How do I find gratitude when I am hurting? I use the alphabet. Yep, that’s what I said, the alphabet! I start listing things, either in my head or on a piece of paper, for each letter in the alphabet. I usually start to feel better by the time I get to “d” or “e”! When I first started doing this, I found it really hard, because of course, I had to overthink it! Now, I don’t overthink it at all! “A” is for the air, “B” is for my breath, “C” is for clouds, and so on.

I think that is what I am learning about the darkness. It doesn't mean that I have failed. It doesn't mean that all of the work I have done is gone. It doesn't mean that I am back where I started. It just means that sometimes life gets dark. Sometimes I get tired, or overwhelmed, or afraid, and Henry gets a little louder. But now I know to look for that little, tiny crack of light. I know that it is there, even when I can't see it right away. And maybe that is the biggest lesson of all.

I want to challenge you. The next time you feel that darkness starting to creep in, don’t let the darkness fool you. Look for that tiny crack of light. Think of your wins! The tiniest of wins! Did you get out of bed? Did you brush your hair? Did you take a sip of water? Those are wins! Ginormous wins!! Yes, that’s a made up word too!! It’s giant and enormous put together!!! Then, start with the letter “A” and start listing things you are grateful for! Is it “apples”; or the colour “aqua”? What is your letter “A” gratitude!

Go on, try it. Don’t let the darkness fool you! Remember, you cannot have light without darkness, so look for that tiny crack of light!!