Terrification

Terrification is the combination of terrified and procrastination which is what I have been since thinking about this blog idea.

Hi, I’m Jeni, and I am a 55 year old woman who is terrified of social media and have just started with it since I decided that I wanted to create a blog. I am terrified of not being perfect, not doing things the right way, not getting it right; but after more than 2 years of worrying whether I am doing this right and working so hard on my overall health, I am going for it. Good or not, which, like I said terrifies me, but with all of the work I have done on and for myself, I cannot keep putting this off. I have to move forward as I need to break through my terrification.

What does terrification mean? Yes, I made the word up. It means being so terrified of not getting it right that you just keep procrastinating. You just keep putting it off, like you’re frozen in time. You’re not doing it wrong because you’re not doing anything. That is no way to live and I know that, but it is not easy to move forward when you are in a terrified state. I am learning that I have been in a terrified state, pretty much my whole life.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a really successful career for almost 25 years and I was good at it, but I was not living up to my potential - unbeknownst to me, I was merely surviving in what I grew up knowing - chaos! Funny thing is, my job was chaos! I was good at it because that is what I was used to. I was resilient, because I learned how to survive. Not live, but survive, and that is no way to live.

So, here I am, writing my first blog post. I don’t know if I set it up correctly. I don’t know if I linked my Facebook and Instagram account properly. I am not sure if I have the subscription option linked properly but being afraid is no longer okay with me. I have learned a couple acronyms for the word fear and they are - False Evidence Appearing Real and Face Everything And Rise. I used to live by the first acronym and I choose to live by the second acronym from now on.

I am not sure if I am going to post once a week or once every other week. I don’t know how long my blog posts will be. I do know that I don’t like reading anything too long, so I am going to do my best to keep my blog posts short and sweet. I do know that I am writing about my journey. I do know that I have been fighting my way through brick walls to improve my overall health - mental, physical and spiritual - and it has been a huge learning curve, but it is a battle that I am and will not give up on, so here I am.

Finally, I plan on adding links for any help that I have found, donating to causes that are important to me, having affiliate links. I don’t know if I can choose the affiliate links I want for my blog but like everything else with this blog, it will be a learning curve and I am learning slowly but surely that, that is okay.